Paycheck

It looks like I can start hanging out my shingle for a new line of employment; ornery old guy. You know the type. In the movies, we are all wearing baggy old overalls, two days’ worth of beard, and have issues with “those young punks.” There is always a clutch of them sitting in front of the courthouse, diner, or hardware store. Whether it’s a Sci-Fi adventure in which the universe is about to end or a rom-com there, they sit crotchety, stereotyped old coots.
It doesn’t matter if they are sitting under the magnolias in a southern setting or on a pier in New England. To Central Casting, we are a type that transcends regionalism. So I am heading down to pick up my Equity or Screen Actors Guild card as soon as the application is approved.

To hell with carving or running the damn TV station. I can make real money doing on screen what I do in real life; be a cranky older adult. Remember that political correctness and diversity have added protective status to other favored ethnic, racial, mental, and behavioral stereotypes. They can’t be used. People will complain.

But crotchety, cantankerous, and pusillanimous oldsters scratching their nethers are fair game. Now, please! Don’t get in my way. I’m looking for an easy way to finance my retirement. There are no protests in front of the studios about how we old folks are being sterotyped. And I don’t want any.

Don’t get in between me and a paycheck; you’ll regret it.