I’d like to think that I was an influencer when I taught media and television production to students. Or when I taught marine carving. But under today’s rigorous standards, I was very small potatoes—a dozen here or there, not the thousands or millions that internet influencers claim.

Let us allow them to bask in their temporary celebrity – “In 2023, I was the 200th largest influencer on SlammoTube.” OK. But I like to ask the once influential, what have you done recently?

The authentic influencer is that person who sedulously cultivates, influences, and guides over time. It’s not some idiot TikTok Challenge where you go to the market and plunge a bucket on someone’s head. Unfortunately, this happened recently, and a young mother was sent to the hospital.

Irresponsible leaders have always been with us, and regrettably, many people are willing to dive over the cliff like the legendary lemmings. But a little caution is needed here. The bucket-over-the-head bunch may be young people. But how many mature types are taken with today’s equivalent of snake oil salespeople? It’s so hard to turn away from someone offering a simple solution to wrinkles, flatulence, weight gain, pellagra, simple hysteria, and erectile dysfunction.

Damn it! Why should the idiots be the only ones to cash in? Here we go…

Now I try to be modest in the claims for the product I am distributing.

I can’t make health claims for the little white pill – those idiots in the government might shut me down and keep me from spreading the truth. Also, all those other quacks will be jealous. How does it work? It’s a miracle of modern science called the “placebo effect.” That’s why the little pill is called Placebium*. A recent Harvard Health study showed that the placebo was 50% as effective in treating migraine as those widely touted and costly drugs. It is well known that migraine is one of the most difficult human conditions to treat… think what Placebium *might do for your hysterical condition, imbalance of the humors, or dyspepsia?

Contact me soonest! This limited offer will expire at midnight!

* Side effects include spontaneous combustion, zombieism, logorrhea, and sympathetic dysplasia of the lower synodal prefecture. 

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