Chateau Xenia – April Newsletter

Here at Chateau Xenia, work on the catnip plantation starts early. Delicate paw cultivation, constant supervision of the human “help,” and careful regular testing of the fresh buds are only part of bringing in a new vintage every year.

Chateau Xenia: Massachusetts Gold, Black Cat Supreme, and Col. Clancy’s Finest Kind Bastard Blend. Not just any store boughten nip. New England’s Finest Kind!

Available for discreet and discerning cats only. Accept no substitutes!

Chateau Xenia Catnip, 2022

Xenia takes her duties as Catnip Queen of New England seriously. In the photo, she exhibits the poise and dedication all professional nippers should show while testing the new year’s crop. It’s fresh from the greenhouse where the new vintage has been resting and curing after the Harvest.

The next step is to mix with some of the prior years’ vintages to moderate the impact, soften the earth tones, and add fruitier after-effects. Chateau Xenia designer nip is known for being superior to typical commercial nips. It is the quality purveyor of fine nips to many of the finest nip dens in the United States.

Despite flabbergasted humans and dogs, Chateau Xenia is exclusively for cats. Only serious inquiries, Please.

Toot of the Ages

Catnip. The toot of the ages. Drug of choice for all cats, little and great. Putting a few spoonfuls in a box transforms it into a playground that can occupy a cat for hours. Just no compromising photos, Please.

Want to see a cat croon, the kitty equivalent of a Gregorian chant on uppers? Nip in a box will do it.

Curious about where the swash came from in Swashbuckle? Leave a large paper bag with a bit of nip for an hour. You’ll see.

Are you interested in hearing the plaintive yowls of a cat having withdrawal symptoms? Take the nip away in mid-toot.

Cat nip, if it got humans high, it’d displace alcohol and most other recreational drugs. Think about a tooted teenager, high on nip, crashing the family car.

Imagine the three spoonful luncheon for the executive, who goes back to the office purring but incapable of work.

Worst of all, imagine the drunken nip parties of the celebrities, unable to stop at just one toke, falling asleep with their feet curled in the air. Snoring.

Be grateful that human science has not been able to transfer the “nip effect” to humans.

Cats have evolved an ability to tolerate large doses of the stuff. But, unfortunately, humans have not developed enough yet, perhaps in another hundred thousand years.

The Harvest has come

It’s pure, all natural, and he tells me it’s only catnip. Safe for my enjoyment, he says. I insist on proof of origin. Which part of the garden was it harvested in? The shade of the woods or the bright sun of the vegetable garden. The sun grown is more robust, with earthy tones of vibrant growth. The shade grown is more subtle. It calls out to other taste buds – slightly fruity, with a slight aftertaste of oak and maple from the rich woodland border on which it is grown.

At Chateau Xenia, we harvest no catnip before it’s time…it’s so hard being an epitome of the refined taste.

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