Tag: Dreams

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Dream time

Since my hip operation, my sleep routine has been shattered and episodic. But it has also been filled with dreams. Last night I had an iteration of a familiar dream. I had time traveled in the dream and found myself back in grad school, shudder. I had to come up with a topic for my dissertation quickly. In the dream, I explore and profile alternate topics based on ideas I have already rejected. As the dream proceeds, I somehow transit from grad school to my workshop, and I am at my bench with carving tools, ready to start carving. The difference is that I am now trying to choose the next ship I will carve.

This one woke me up. Grad school dreams usually do. But, this dream ended with a furry presence, Xenia, my cat, attempting to wake me up. She was standing on my chest insisting that my choices were strictly circumscribed. Either get up and feed her, or there’d be a wet cat tongue in my ear.

Being that the much-feared and detested wet willy was worse than a graduate school dissertation committee or standing in the shop wondering what to do, I got up to the sound of satisfied purring.

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Flashback Friday – Train Dream

From 2019 a true story of terror on the tracks, and brotherhood gone wrong.

It was a Friday evening in the summer. Four or five of us were sitting on the porch, drinking beer, smoking, watching the nighthawks diving for insects, and telling tales. David, my friend from grad school, was there, Tom, myself, and Tom’s brother Jim. Jim was visiting from Idaho, and it was Jim’s first visit east in some years.

David had told us about an awful recurring dream that many grad students have; You are writing an exam. The answers you write disappear as you finish writing them. We all admitted to having had that dream or one like it at one time. This started the flow of conversation for the evening as we pulled out our catalog of recurring dreams.

Mine was actually a second-hand memory from my father. At age nine, my father gifted me with the story of how he had survived the sinking of a tanker. One of the few times he ever spoke to me regarding his wartime experiences in the Merchant Marine. The tale was so vivid that it left an indelible imprint on my memory that sometimes played back like a dream. That evening I shared that with my friends.

Then Tom spoke up: ” I remember when I was a little kid having a dream in which a freight train was coming down the tracks, coming right for me, and I couldn’t get away. The train just kept on coming. The train had a gigantic headlight, and it kept getting bigger. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape it. Eventually, I’d wake up in a sweat and couldn’t get back to sleep. I still have that dream sometimes. My analyst used to say that it was about my anxieties over my life being out of control.”

We all commented on this being one hell of a scary dream that we’d prefer not to have. Through all this, Jim had remained silent. Then we heard a quiet:
“Tom? I’m sorry. That wasn’t a dream. When I was just a little kid, I always wondered where your eyes go when you sleep. So, I used to sneak into your room with Dad’s big flashlight after you were asleep. I’d hold your eyes open and shine the light on them. Then, I’d sit on you if you moved around too much. After a while, I lost interest in doing it, but I never dreamed that you were aware of what I was doing.
I’m really sorry.”

The silence on that porch was deep and undisturbed for a long while. Then, finally, out of the dark, we heard Tom exclaim: “you son of a…..”

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O’Dark Thirty

Was it ” Mr. wakey wakey” on his rounds for watchstanders? No. 

There were no vibrations of a ship, always alive. Reaching out, I don’t find wooden ceiling planks. I’m not aboard Psyche; I’d feel the movement of water through the hull.

 I know when and where I’m not. It’s not Navy, and it’s not Maine. It’s still O’dark thirty, that’s why I thought back to waking for the mid-watch. Everyone’s favorite, midnight till four AM. There’s a crack of light from the hall outside; I’m home. The blackout curtains my wife insists on creating a bedroom so deep in darkness that its disorienting.

The trouble waking isn’t new. It’s been a feature of my life on and off since college. An assignment in American Literature to read Slaughterhouse Five initiated it. Like Billy Pilgrim, I seem to float between critical points in life. The waking uncertainty went away in grad school. But it had resurfaced with the curtains.

It’s not so much that I’d fear waking in those two times or places. It’s the uncertainty of where else my soul might range that scares me.

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