I know an ancient and very sick story about brains*. And no, it’s not a vampire story.
It’s about thirty years in the future, and while eating breakfast, a recurring argument between a husband and wife breaks out. She is a highly educated, successful professional, and he is a dedicated underachiever. “Look, Harry. There’s an ad for Brains, Inc. – “Upgrade yours at a price you can afford!” why won’t you see what they can do for you?”
Harry agrees to visit Brains, Inc. to see what they have in the interest of harmony at home.
When he arrives, the salesman is attentive and asks basic questions about what he is interested in doing with his brain upgrade and his current status. “Mr. Brown, let’s start with the basic Bachelor of Arts brain; it’s our most popular product, and pricing starts at $50,000. The Bachelor of Science is a nice step up at $60,000. Of course, some people want the extra processing power and go for the Master’s Degree brains. Those run $100,000 and $120,000 respectively.
Harry took all this in, thought about it, and then asked, “Well, those are very nice, but my wife was hoping I’d get something that would put me on a par with her. So what’s the best that you have?”
The salesman trembled with joy. ” Oh, sir, please step this way!” He led him towards a glassed-in dark room. Soft indirect lighting revealed a large glass case shrouded in a velvet cover as they entered. With drama, the salesman stepped behind the case and proclaimed, “Sir, I present to you the very top of our line! the Ph.D brain.” With those words, he whipped off the cover and revealed the brain.
Harry was underwhelmed. It looked just like all the other brains, maybe even worse. “So what does this baby cost?” the salesman seemed to swell with pride. “The Ph.D is only one million dollars!”
Harry smirked at the salesman, ” A cool million for that? You must be kidding. Your Master’s of Science costs $120,000. How could this be worth so much more?”
The salesman met the unexpected criticism with dignity and replied, “Sir! Do you know how many Ph.D. heads we must examine before we find one brain?”
Thanks for being patient with this old story. The moral implicit in the tale is that having a credential implies competence in an area, but it doesn’t guarantee it. Having an expensive education only means that you paid top dollar for it. Not that you benefited from it.
This is sad because your education may be the single most significant investment you’ll make. Note that unlike the prompt, which suggests payment, I am suggesting that it’s not just a monetary cost but a personal investment in the future.
So yes I’ve met many highly educated people seemingly without a brain. I’ve also met people with high school diplomas who are literate, well educated, and interested in learning.
A cost basis for determining value or one based on the status of the title is not always the best method for judging worth or ability.
- About the tall tale – It came to me from a Political Science instructor struggling with his Ph.D. committee. He told the story one night in class. I ran into him at a conference several years later. He’d finally received his Ph.D and denied ever having told the story.
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“The salesman met the unexpected criticism with dignity and replied, “Sir! Do you know how many Ph.D. heads we must examine before we find one brain?”
My office mate at SDSU had a PhD. I have an MA. We had a conversation that began bitterly and ended OK. He woke up to the fact that I taught a skill that didn’t require an incredible amount of technical education. His — he was a systems analyst — did. So he’s disputing passionately and then suddenly he got it. “You’re right, Martha. Your job is to help people learn to write well. I have to impart all kinds of specialized and difficult information.” And he hugged me.
“You’re right, Martha. Your job is to help people learn to write well. I have to impart all kinds of specialized and difficult information.” Martha, I am not sure that he did get it. Giving people foundational skills is not always simple ( as most of my elementary school teachers would tell you). There is just way too much credentialism going on.
Yeah, but what I did didn’t require any specialized knowledge. His really did. Most of what I taught I learned in AP English my senior year in high school. The other tools I had were a love of teaching and an understanding of the needs of my students. For THAT every class — every student! — was different. IF I had taught literature to grad students? Wait a minute; I did do that. 🤣
What I mean is, a PhD wouldn’t help you teach carving. That would require you have the ability to carve and the soft skills to reach students.
I get really annoyed when someone launches into a pseudo-intellectual critique of one of my paintings. That’s narcissism (on their part). All anyone needs to say looking at a painting is, “I like it.” Why they like it is their own personal business. Painters in the olden days painted religious paintings consciously painted religious symbolism. That’s one thing. But throwing some academic BS on a painting? People might have that response, but talking about it?
But there is too much credentialism going on. That hit home to me when I was with my business communication students in the library and I saw the number of PhD dissertations between, say, 1940 and 1980 and the absurd number after 1980.
Interesting that you mention dissertations. I think that Alfred Kroeber’s ( one of the bright lights of 20th century anthropology) was only 90 pages long. When I was in grad school they averaged 900. I can’t evne imagine what gives today. One og my professors ( otherwise an ass) stated that he wanted our weekly papers to be between 16 and 20 pages long. Because under 12 you didn’t do the work to understand the subject, and over twenty you were padding, and maybe were trying to hide ignorance with volume.
Page requirements are stupid. I couldn’t have worked anywhere other than academia but I’m glad I taught skills. 🙂
I liked teaching as an adjunct. I taught in a nursing program and modified a AN101 curriculum so that it was more ssuited to nursing students. Being I was familiar with the OR and medical/surgical hospital operations I could come up with practical items for the students. It was a great amount of fun.
That’s wonderful and students love that like, “Whoa, this is real!!!!”