Sports!Huh?

I am still deciding about my favorite sports. Well, maybe competitive fence-sitting? You’d have to jump onto the fence, pirouette gracefully, and then sit down to qualify.

Now if you read last year’s post on the topic you’d understand that I dither on quite well. Here is a refresher:

“Sportswise, I am a fly in the ointment. I am the one gnashing my teeth at the thought of a Thanksgiving spent watching American football or the person most likely to fling away the most recent sports magazine—swimsuit issue or not. So why should it be any different from the highly commercialized, overly hyped Olympics?
Want to win me back to the Games? OK, I Have a plan. How about adding some innovative stuff from the broader world of sports? How about marathon ballroom dancing, tossing the caber, saber dancing, jello pit wrestling, great pumpkin kayaking, or my favorite, fireball soccer? By the way, fireball soccer is played with a flaming kerosene-soaked coconut and bare feet—not for the faint of heart!
Yes, the Olympics are boring. We should make them great again. Get out the cabers and coconuts!”

Yes, I am still dithering, but progress has been made. I discovered that Fireball has podiatrists upset, and several campaigns are underway to ban it despite it being a major TikTok Challenge. The Marathon Ballroom Dancing people contacted me and threatened to sue for not mentioning their annual Danceathon in Portland. Then there were the subtle and indirect bits of innuendo from Scottish Games folks about how far a certain blogger could be tossed for joking about the caber. It’s serious sports, folks! Sorry!

Now I thought I was safe because I hadn’t mentioned any of the traditional sports. Well I was wrong again. The threats rolled in from sports as diverse as hammer throwing and the swimming community. My lawyer pleaded my sentence down to doing community volunteer work rather than learning to ski.

But I’ve learned my lesson. No sports, nor writing about sports, and no watching sports. I can live with that.