Racket

“Some cons never die. They go on vacation and return refreshed for another run around the block.” This was one of the observations of our Almost Friend John. John was a perpetual con artist, bunco purveyor, and commentator on all things crooked. And time and time again, we’d find that his observations were on the mark. Sometimes literally on the Mark. The mark being a victim of a con.

The quote I started with largely concerns health and life extension cons. John authoritatively stated that everything had had its moment in rejuvenation therapy, health care, and life extension. Monkey glands, extract of aged Chinese magnolia seeds, vibration therapy, and hand massage of cirulation of vital essences. If you have faith, anything becomes possible. But, of course as many a fish or mark finds out, having faith is often not enough to effect a cure, or obtain an additional ten years of life.

I was thinking about John the other day as I read an article in a newspaper on life extension techniques that were being touted. Supplement stacks, whole body scanning, total blood transfusion. And, of course, dietary regime. As I recall, John had also been into supplements and dietary regimes. He’d also had a workout plan, tracts on getting adequate sleep, and “taking the waters” in obscure spa’s. In the world of bunco and con, he’d state,” There is nothing new under the sun. The basics were laid out in ancient Egypt and Summaria.”

There are even treatment regimes that allude to confinement in “septentaria” rooms full of venomous snakes. Imagine being confined for treatment in a room where the air smells like snakes. Just a part of the treatment, John said.

Then there were really easy-peasy routines: little investment but significant returns. One was audio therapy. Setting here is everything. A dark room. Sound piped into a sizeable domelike helmet. The room is warm and snug, and the fish has an electronic clicker attached to the sound system, piping in the sound. periodically the sound turn ominous. You’ve been warned that the noise can be hostile to your engrammatic precognitive determinants. To counter this you must alter the infiltration of negative noise to positive flow. The clicker helps reprogram your responses and establishes positive life affirming patterns.

So you laugh. Who’d fall for this stuff? I’d advise that you look into some of the stuff being offered on TikTok these days. Then circle around, and I bet you, for a modest sum, I can sell you some healing pieces recovered from a ring around the moon. They were recently recovered from an Egyptian site famous for the life extension of the Pharaohs.