The other day, I realized that as a country, the United States has become trapped in an abusive relationship. How would I know? I was in a few before therapy helped me realize that being abused was not how I wanted to live my life. Subsequently, I was able to extract myself from the abuse and built a healthy relationship with a wonderful woman. But I remember all the anguish of abuse.
Watching the news and reading the papers recently, it seemed to me that as a nation, we have gotten involved with a classic abuser. There is ongoing ridicule, gaslighting, intimidation, neglect, verbal abuse, and threats. There is no cranny or nook deep enough for you to avoid what gets thrown at you.
Watching clips of the news, I recalled similar behavior from a woman I thought I loved. Like many in the country these days I felt that my abuser could and would change. I accepted my guilt for the things I was told were wrong with me. And most important of all, I could not believe that it was her, not me, who was violently wrong.
The day I confronted my abuser and ended the relationship was a great day of liberation for me and a day of anger for my abuser. She claimed that no one had ever walked out on her. I mentioned to her that there was a first time for everything.
Viewing the polls, I realize that broad segments of the population have yet to acknowledge the cost of the abuse, despite economic and personal losses. It’s incredibly hard to acknowledge that you are abused, confront the abuser, and leave them.
I can assure you of one thing. They need you lots more than you ever needed them. Leave.
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Amen!
We are a year in. When do we as a nation wake up and see what is happening? Is him saying, “I love money” and demanding $230M of OUR MONEY when so many are not being paid not a wake-up call?! I am about out of my mind about this, Lou. All I keep thinking is ‘three more years of this &*$^##^!!!
You are right. But as I point out, most of his victims are caught up in the abusive relationship. And the old boys’ club in Congress is scared shitless of him.
And we are at the part where she knows it- but dammit she has so much invested in this she cannot fathom letting it all go…. been there…..
That’s what I saw back in the olden days in his debates with HRC, exactly the behavior my abusive partners perpetrated on me.
BUT — you put your finger on my emotions right now. I am in that hyper-vigilant state of the abused. I’ve been in abusive relationships, too, most of them, beginning with M-o-m. Survival is all about keeping your head down and saying, “Nothing bad is happening right now.” I would say that those are not bad strategies in a general sense when you know you could get hurt at any moment, but it’s no way for a nation to live — and, for someone like me? Dangerous, as the hyper-vigilant state can lead to some pretty serious consequences. A nation living in a hyper-vigilant state when there is no clear external enemy or reason like a war or fire?
It’s complicated. In mine it was a matter of calling the cops who came and looked at the damage to my house. “Ma’am, this is abuse.” An outsider needed to speak and call it out for me to see it. The challenge is to see that it is REALLY happening and it is REALLY wrong and we, as a people, are REALLY being hurt.
As a nation, we are supposed to have an outside agent in Congress, but now they are complicit. Not nice.
And the supremes…
I never thought of it like that Lou, but this analogy makes so much sense.
More victims than your average creep for sure.
A very interesting post! I suspect other nations are feeling a bit abused or stomped on, but maybe it’s for our good?? Maybe it’s time to wake up and see where the coffee’s really roasted?
In everyday life abusers are often tolerated because the abused sees no viable option. Surviving alone looks too hard. Or worse, half the people in the family love the bully. You have to become willing to go it alone, and take the flak.
In politics, too, the option must be viable; if it looks like nobody’s headed straight down the middle, voters will take their chances with the candidate who looks like he’ll veer off the least. Right or wrong, that’s my impression of the last US election results. I suspect a lot of people have been surprised, but still trust that the top man knows best. Options still aren’t clear.
You make some good points, Christine!
One more thought, forr what it’s worth. Manipulative people usually treat cronies very well , so as to neutralize hostile comments from the peanut gallery. But sooner or later their nature irritates even their closest allies. I’ve observed that.
Ahhh, political cronies, funds from large donors, sand sweet heart deals…the lifeblood of politics these days for both parties.
Excellent comparison. I’m looking at some of the polls, and it’s incredible. Pain is the only thing that wakes people up, and I guess some are not feeling it yet.
I agree, but very soon I think. Tariffs have already affected my Christmas shopping, and healthcare costs are rising and in some cases disappearing.
…And the farmers in Iowa and Illinois are also paying the consequences of the “beautiful” tariffs, losing millions of dollars this season. Painful way of “fixing” the economy.
You are correct! Soybeans are normally a huge sale item, but not this year.
Most people never think that men can be abused by the women they are with as well as the other way around. My former SIL physically and emotionally abused her very kind husband. When he fought back and put her in the hospital, her brother and I both said at the same time on separate phones in different rooms “what did you do to him?” I loved her but she had a real mean streak.
You are correct in the analogy of of this regime being an abuser and the gaslighting is horrendous. I saw it before the first time he was voted in. Not by me, of course. We needed a good house cleaning but not in such an unkind way. We are all suffering from a chronic fatigue. I told my daughter this morning that I call it Cheeto Flu. Not sure how long until we can recover from this rot. I’m not sure I can survive it.
I think Novemeber and December when the reality of terminated programs, and bad decisions start to make painful impacts in districts he won heavily we’ll see some politicans begin to do more than just squirm. Then we’ll see how the cards fall.
Alot of toxic relationship out there stay safe y’all