Yours

Among the big lessons I struggled with in therapy was that of taking responsibility for my actions. What am I saying? I’m still struggling with it. But that growing sense of responsibility also made me realize I had some control over what would happen to me. I might not be able to win big in every situation – but I was able to determine how I would react and respond. A heartbreaker was still a heartbreaker, but while it might slow me down, it wouldn’t stop me.

Eventually, I decided that life was like a large do-it-yourself project. A do-it-yourself project in which you have limited control over what happens. 

It’s important to recall that while it is your life, you do not get absolute control over everything. In this regard, life can be like moving into a big old house. The previous occupants knew nothing about wiring. But that never stopped them from running outlets all over. Their knowledge of plumbing needed to be fixed, too. You move in and, after careful consideration, start achieving what you can do or learn to do – stripping wallpaper, painting, general carpentry. But, wisely, you leave the licensed work to the plumber and electrician. You do this because part of adulthood is learning your limits – not just expanding your capabilities.

Eventually, the old house becomes a home. The quirks are things you live with, but over time, you have taken ownership – paid the mortgage, fixed the electrical system and plumbing, painted, and put your own stamp on things. None of this is trifling; as part of life, they rank as significant achievements.

To leave aside the analogy of the house, you’ve overcome addictions, gained an education, and established meaningful relationships. Unlike a confection, there is no cherry on the top because you are always learning and struggling.

But it is your life, and you can take credit for it.