The Fruitcake Tale

In the fall of 1973, cash was tight for Christmas presents. I had gone from being a night student at Boston University’s Metropolitan College to enrolling as a degree candidate at the College of Liberal Arts at the University. But I was paying a lot more tuition and fees and spending lots more for books. I needed a strategy for making something for Christmas that I could afford and would please. Luckily, my present list was short.
Before you say, ” Well, you’re a carver!” Let me say that I had no wood and no place to carve. Nowadays, I have a shed full of wood. Then I had one tiny eagle I was carving – about six inches by two.

I was certainly not a skilled cook. But one night, in desperation, I pulled out a paperback copy of the 1964 Joy of Cooking Cookbook and started looking for things I might be able to make for presents. I happened upon a recipe for fruitcake. After studying the recipe, I decided it was pretty easy, and I’d try making it.

My cat, Clancy ( AKA the Grey Menace), supervised the preparation. But was disappointed that none of the ingredients were steak, roast beef, or filet mignon. Somewhere in the process, he decided to leave me to my own devices and go catch mice elsewhere.

After baking my three fruitcakes, I wrapped them in cloth and tin foil and added the brandy. In about three weeks, I had presents.

So much for origin stories. Eventually, I was making, and giving away, as many as twenty fruitcakes. Last year, the crop was only ten. Lots have changed over the years.
When I started the whole fruitcake thing, it was reasonably priced. But as the years passed, the cost of muslin, rum or brandy, multiple types of fruit and nuts, sugar, eggs, butter, and spices escalated. Twenty fruitcakes now cost a substantial amount, and the process is labor intensive.
Eventually, I got fruitcake fatigue. I developed a hard and fast rule. You are off the list if I give you a fruitcake and never hear from you about how it was. With this simple rule, I deleted most of my inlaws in two years, saved a chunk of money, and finished in half the time.

Now, though, I have a problem. I’m trying to lose weight and those damn fruitcakes are full of calories.