They are far enough in the past that I often don’t think of them as the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest, but they loom large in my life. In 1981, I was able to give up a pack and a half a day smoking habit. And in 1989, I followed that up by quitting drinking. My physical adaptation to the cessations was rough enough, but some of the largest challenges were the social ones.
Let me enlarge on this just a bit. None of us is a social isolate. We have friends, associates, and colleagues. Not all of those are willing to let it pass unchallenged that we are doing something that they may find threatening. Perhaps because they have decided they can’t do it.
It took years to give up smoking. I was the main obstacle, but some people who casually blew smoke in my face, left packs of cigarettes for me to find, and advised me that quitting was just not worth it. My challenge became their challenge. As I started my final, and successful, effort to leave, I deliberately pruned my social network of people who I knew to be toxic to my well-being. In March of 1981, I set a new course—about three or four people less in my friend group, but one addiction down.
In 1989, I said little to anyone other than my wife. I just stopped going to places where alcohol would be offered or encouraged. Lots of what I had learned quiting smoking applied to drinking: avoid the situations, and avoid people who were challenged by your decisions. Luckily, I had a supportive wife and a healthy group of friends around me.
Do I think the way I did it is for everyone? No. Frankly, there were two additional components I have not mentioned. A good therapist I had in the late seventies and early eighties, who helped me with my maturity issues, and prayer. No. I am not an overtly religious person. But the power of Grace and prayer was necessary in sustaining the drive when my own strength was weakening.
Everyone has their own path. I rarely get asked what mine was. And mine may not be another person’s. But the critical thing is that you seek a path that works for you.
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This is real and beautiful, Lou. I appreciate knowing more about your life in this way. Last weekend was my fourth year anniversary of not smoking. It is tough, and I’m proud of you for taking control like you did! 🙂 Glad you had such a good partner at the time.
” I deliberately pruned my social network of people who I knew to be toxic to my well-being…” This is so important and sometimes so difficult. But a person who would attempt to sabotage your goal or taunt you in “fun” is no friend. This is a beautiful post.
Thank you. My first wife would do things like blow smoke in my face. I think there are a lot of people who take goals like that as threatening to themselves. Pruning them is a positive action.
That’s just mean. That’s the equal of my mom calling me a prima donna when I rolled down a car window to get away from her smoke. It’s like these people need to do some kind of violent act to justify themselves to themselves. I do not get it.
Self-justification is a good way to describe it, Martha.
When it comes to friendship and support, quality always wins out over quantity, anyways. For many, its a difficult lesson to learn. I’m glad you quit smoking. I struggled with it for 40 years before God walked me through that fire… hugs
It doesn’t matter how long it takes; getting to the goal is the important thing.
Good for you, Lou. You managed to reach your goals and I think you are right about the others who tried to derail you, they are insecure and felt threatened by the path you were on.
So true. It took me several tries to quit smoking, but I finally did it