I’m not the only one in the crowd who spent years looking for a soulmate. My friend John wanted one that did not light his fuze. His penchant for being trenchant and “overly direct” among our friends eventually led him to Carol. Carol could calm a raging sea with wit and humor. She seemed to be perfect for John. Until he discovered that she had cleared out his retirement, checking account, and the jar stuffed with coins of the realm under the bed. The Bunco Squad knew her as Charlene.
Me? It was Laurette. It was wonderful until the trip to the doctor for shots. She then accused me of messing around. Living on Grove St. on Beacon Hill, I went to a doctor in the North End for shots and a lecture on staying away from the “Combat Zone” in Boston’s lower Washington Street. Who knew?
Living at the Folkie Palace on Grove Street on Beacon Hill, our living situation attracted some interesting types. But the runaway monastic we simply called the Monk always seemed to be immune to the wild shenanigans of his roommates. He seemed to be moderate and, to a fault, calm and deliberate. Cautious. So when he sat down with us one night to discuss a possible shift in his status from Brother to Father, we were taken all sails aback. Who was this mystery woman? She was like him, a semi-failed cloistered religious person living her commitment abroad in the world rather than a cloister. What would little Monks be like? Up early for Matins?
Lucy was a friend of mine who was a folksinger. She spent hours trying to teach me a special finger pick with only mixed results. Like the good friend that she was, she didn’t give up on me even when it appeared to be a lost cause. In 1967, she and Andy found each other by chance at an Open Mic event in Cambridge. The last I heard, their lives still circle around each other and the flock of grandkids they have. Jackpot!
Experience and observation led me to believe we place entirely too much weight on this thing called “soulmate.” We think of it as being the prize in the box of candy or cereal. Like those, it can be a piece of flashy plastic that we eventually forget about, disappoints, or we lose.
I avoid talking about my wife in that old, tired term. I think it’s a label that gets too easily applied. And like a search for the Holy Grail leads us on strange adventures that do not necessarily lead us out of the windstorm and into the calm. Instead, I use other terms and behavior that may not be as freighted with inconvenient or deceptive meaning. I frequently seek her hand with mine, kiss her neck, and let her know that there is nobody I’d rather spend my time with. She’s a night shift nurse. I get a bit Trenchant (there’s that word again) about making sure that she gets enough rest.
While, in a way, I may believe in the concept. I avoid the term. It’s like other words and terms that have become trite and are clichés. If you truly hold those feelings for another, would you want to use a cliche to describe them?
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I have a soulmate, well, there have been a few. Not romantic attachments to humans. One was a horse, several have been dogs, and there have been a couple hiking pals with whom I shared the same trail. Honestly, the idea of a soulmate gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Good points. Clancy J. Bumps, The Grey Menace, falls into that category.
I’ve gathered that from everything you’ve written about him. In my life? Bear, Molly, Lily even though I have loved all of them — those three met me in a different dimension that I can now actually explain.
And one cat – a Siamese named Naggy
I think you’ve just answered the reason why I didn’t feel like answering the prompt this morning. I guess I don’t think of my husband with that term, and the journeys I’ve been through remind me. loosely, of my own past of mistakenly searching for a soulmate. Nowadays, I consider my husband the other half of me, not that he wouldn’t be considered my soulmate, if that were truly a thing. He’s my other half because of nearly 20 years of tears, mistakes, heartache, forgiveness, and a whole lot of Grace from God for both of us, in our human conditions. I loved your answer, Lou… hugs
Yes!!! Why would we use a cliche for someone who fills such a complex role in our lives, and we in theirs!
Exactly!
Love d image
“Twin flame” seems to be the thing that Gen Zs seem to be using instead of “soul mate”.
Interesting. I hadn’t heard that one.
I used to love the idea of a soulmate, and eagerly searched for mine. But it’s the idea I love. I don’t believe in it anymore. Practically, I realize joy can result from finding a human who suits your own way of living, and who respects what you’re trying to do, and vice versa. I wouldn’t call that a soulmate. And I believe humans should always be evolving, and that if a couple evolves away from each other, there should be no shame in it as long as there was honesty every step of the way. And if a couple evolves together, that’s pretty damned cool. I hope I am that lucky.
What a wonderful post. The stories are engaging, humorous, and full of life, showing that real relationships are often far more meaningful than romantic labels. I especially enjoyed the ending it beautifully highlights that love is found in everyday acts of care, respect, and companionship. Thank you for sharing such a memorable piece.