Omission

What’s something you’ve forgiven but haven’t forgotten?

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It was a very bad omission. A friend was in Africa for a year doing that rite of Anthropology called fieldwork, and I was in the Boston area with my life totally messed up. And I do mean absolutely smashed on the rocks. My first marriage dissolved, academic future in doubt, and scrabbling for a living. I was also finding calm and peace from a bottle, so there was a developing addiction as well. Some days I could barely remember my own surname, much less who and where to address a letter to my friend.

On his return from Africa, and without any fanfare, he told me how hurt he was and simply terminated our friendship. I told him that I understood how he felt but asked that he listen to what had been happening to me during that period of time. He didn’t want to listen. He maintained that I didn’t support him, so why should he support me? I understood my friend’s point of view and accepted his rationale, but was hurt and angry that he didn’t allow me an opportunity to explain.

Eventually, I forgave him and appreciated his opinions. But I’ve not forgotten the several lessons I learned from the episode: don’t do as I did despite your inner turmoil- make room for others. And make room to share their experiences, as you would have them understand yours. Finally, a little forgiveness goes a long way.