I am a behaviorally conservative sort. Please don’t laugh. I know that I was anything but behaviorally careful, concerned, or reserved in my earlier years. But by the time I had made it into the working world as a professional, I had already made progress in covering my tracks. I couldn’t nullify my past, but I could move in other directions, behave righteously, and seem like an ordinary guy.

I was abetted in the sanitation of my past by the mortality of my former associates, many of whom showed an inability to make it into their fourth decade. So, to some extent, I buried my past, and there is no din of raucous friends and associates visiting and saying things like, “And do you know what this jerk did next?!”

Of course, the problem with this is that life as an ordinary person is banal and boring.
I assume that one of these days, when they place me in a nursing home, I’ll be one of those who escape to run away and join the circus, go on one final frolicking detour, go over Niagra Falls in a barrel, or steal a Tahiti Ketch for an extended tour of Caribean sin spots. Want to join me?

Here, by the way, is my theme song:

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