Electronic Sentience

Right now, I am hip-deep in trying to find the essential tools I need in an updated software package. My needs are pretty simple. I manipulate type for carving quarter boards, banners, and maritime doodads. I also manipulate images for carving and laser burning. When the makers of my three software packages decide to break their programs and add twenty-five new features, they either eliminate the ones I need, change them until they are useless, or hide them.

I know they need to do this to maintain customer demand and bolster sales, but do they have to do it at the cost of those of us who do not use all of their newest and brightest features?

For example, I am laying out type on a curve for a transom banner ( a large banner with lettering that goes across the stern of a boat). The arc of the text follows the arc at the top of the board. “Back in the day,” we did this manually. But about twenty years ago, it became easier to do the typography on the computer. The new and better threw the dice where I could not see them, and I had problems. While I solved the problem, eventually, the latest and “better” upgrade” wanted me to try about five new tools useless for what I needed.

A friend suggested that at least I did not have to deal with an AI interface. I replied that I might prefer the AI because I could tell it just to do the simple layout—no bells and whistles. Afterward, I realized I’d probably get my wish in the next upgrade. A snooty AI sounding like the one in 2001: A Space Odyssey would tell me, “I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that.” A huge kerfuffle would follow, and the computer screen would light up with the word TILT!!!!! In neon letters because I shook the poor computer. Soon after that, the League for the Abolition of Electronic Slavery would picket my house for abusing electronic sentience.

What I need more of is simplicity. Then, I might be able to do more carving.

I think I liked it better in the old days. Pencils didn’t talk back.