Foul Mouth

Our washing machine was out of order. So while we were waiting for parts I was sitting in the laundromat doing the wash. The fact that we are fortunate to have our own machines to do the washing can’t be overemphasized here. The laundramat is not a favorite hang out of mine. But I did get to tune in on the vibe. It was a bit rough around the edges.

On the other side of a row of machines, someone named Beth was complaining to Tanya about Tanisha at work. She waxed hot and heavy about the other woman’s style of dressing. Despite having my nose buried in my tablet reading a sci-fi thriller, I couldn’t help but wonder why she cared what the other woman wore to work and why it personally upset her.

I was reminded of the biblical verse about first casting out the beam out of your own eye before the mote in your brother’s. But I don’t mean to sound like a religious tract. It’s just that my personal history led me to believe each of us should spend less time critiquing personal choices. We should spend more time minding our own business.

During my time as a folksinger, I couldn’t afford to be critical of the personal habits of many of the people who helped me out. I was invited to many meals. Offered housing and rides places. I also knew people who’d accept a gift and bad-mouth the giver. But that’s a form of hypocrisy I couldn’t stomach. I separated myself from people like that as fast as possible. Today, they foulmouth someone else, and tomorrow, it’s you.

Beth’s incandescent behavior reminded me of my first father-in-law, the Cap’n. He’d go ballistic about “people from away.” Despite the community’s economic wealth being dependent on Summer People, the Cap’n had nothing but distaste for them. He’d rage on about their selection of foreign cars, mode of dress, or choice of restaurants. The only time I dared remind him I was “from away” I received a look so withering that It permanently affected the way I viewed him.

I thought about a good bit after that. It took some years before I settled into my current opinion. Unless a person’s behavior was illegal, hurtful of others, or affected me personally, it was none of my affair. So why do we hear so much petty criticism of things that are not our business? I think it has to do with our own insecurities. The summer people had the money and leisure to relax on the coast. The Cap’n was more than a bit envious of that. It was true that some of them were obnoxious smarty pants about things. But that only spoke to their own insecurities. The Cap’n loved to rage on about how Clive from New York did some dumb thing to his boat. Or how that idiot Jack fouled his neighbor’s mooring lines. It made him feel superior.

The Cap’n was an accomplished Master Mariner, a great sailor, a good father, a husband, and an incredible teacher, and didn’t need to pique his ego. He complained of the bonehead activities of people unworthy to polish the brass on his boat. He should have just left it there.

Do I still rage about other people once in a while? Sure, I’m imperfect. But I try to censure myself. Most of the trash talk is just not my business. Eventually, I just tuned out of Beth and returned to my sci-fi adventure. Whatever Tanisha was up to, well…good for her!