Perpetually Yours

For a joke, I give people who get my spoons a small slip of paper, the Fine Print. It contains all the information needed to care for the woodenware. But not perpetually.
Perpetual is the sort of word that raises alarms. “Yes, sir or madam, the guarantee is perpetual, dependent upon…and the fine print in faded lettering on tissue-thin paper follows.
I mistrust what promises to ensure or protect against things you can’t predict—acts of God, extreme climatic events, or human stupidity.