The official word on that biopic about my life is that it’s “complicated.” The hoped-for hype and bidding war for the “rights” has not materialized. My agent has told me I need to be flexible regarding how much I ask for – not too much. He implied that a sweet deal was not in the offing. However, there is interest in a NipFlics movie about the life and times of my old grey cat, the Grey Menace. People eat up stuff about pets who overcome adversity to provide inspirational guidance to their sad-sack humans. It distracts them from how horrible the news is. For an hour, they can watch kittens and puppies cavort. No culture wars, no politics, and no climate change.
The plans are to shoot on location in Canada and Boston and focus on the positive influence he had on my loser life, his taste for O-negative blood and his party-loving ways. It’s a bad boy-made-good thing.
They plan to use his favorite Warren Zevon music for the soundtrack. They are seeking product placement money from cat food companies and running a casting competition for shelter cats to see who’ll play the feline roles.
I asked who they had in mind to play me and was told it was complicated. I suggested the title “Born to be Wild,” but I have no creative control, and I should sit down and have more food at the Craft Services banquet.
In any case, it should be out in time for next Valentine’s. I can’t wait!
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With your rich history, amazing carvings and of course the sagas of the Grey Menace. Your biopic should be worth a fortune! I hope it all goes well and gets a massive release before Valentines next year!
I’ve been offered a cameo in the Menace’s biopic – that of a bordeer crossing guard on the American side of the border with Canada whom he bites. It’s a start.
Haha, better than nothing I guess. Just make sure he guard is whittling something amazing and we’ll know he’s you.
NipFlics–you are so clever!
I think I can put in a good word for White Paws; let me know!
“Lawyers, Guns and Money”?
and Excitable Boy, Werewolves of London, and especially Roland! If he heard them come on he’d hop on the kitchen chair and want to fight. I do not have to create fiction about that cat. Why fictionalize when the truth was so strange anyway.
I love Roland. What a masterpiece.
I had that epiphany a long time ago when I was involved with a WONDERFUL man, beautiful, smart, funny, just fantastic and we loved each other but….
he was, as he described himself, “A latent heterosexual.” He introduced me to decent coffee. ANYhoo I sat with a cup of coffee one morning and thought, “Reality is stranger than fiction.” I haven’t backed down from that, either, not even living here in Splendid Isolation. 🤣