On-line Banking

The online banking program has driven me nuts. It had little floating bubbles denoting how much you’ve spent on various items. They floated around in a circle, and you could click on one and look at everything in it. Wonderful. Except when it’s not. It put stuff where I didn’t think it belonged and then wouldn’t let me move it where I wanted it.

I am sure the bank licensed this little app to help the fiscally clueless along the path to financial responsibility. But all that it did for me was add to my budgetary frustration.

Let me explain. I always used a heap system: transport, shelter/utilities, food, entertainment, and miscellany. I used this system for years because I was poor and needed to track every penny. There was no heap for savings or medical. Thankfully, I was healthy and young. Emergencies were met by stripping other heaps, digging for lost change in the sofa, borrowing small amounts, or toughing out issues.

Eventually, things improved. I got health insurance at work. I added heaps for savings, retirement, debt repayment, and other needs. My prime tool is a small manual spreadsheet outlining what I must pay on recurring expenses for each pay period, including savings. At the bottom is the estimated income for that period, so I can easily calculate what I might have in excess. With age came a certain amount of wisdom regarding my finances.

So, my improved heap system works for now. But about six months ago, I started thinking about retirement. Yeah, I know – he’s seventy-seven and only considering retirement now? Well, I can work, want to work, and have work. I’m not a fan of sitting around the senior center, watching TV, or looking out the window till the mail arrives. So I work. But I decided that planning for retirement was a good exercise. With less income coming in, tracking the outgoing for things like prescriptions, kitten food, and miscellaneous items might be nice. That was when I began to play with the bank’s little ball system.

My first small victories were reassigning some purchases to categories they properly belonged in. Now, every month, they’ll show up where they belong. Then, the problems continued with the app, so I complained.

I guess I was not the only one to complain, and the bank changed the app to a “new and improved” version. 

In the new version, the little rotating balls with amounts in them were gone. In their place was a color-coded pie chart—many radiating pie segments. There were new features – alerts and alarms for when you exceed budget or items—a trend analysis, and new little boxes that don’t match my manual spreadsheet. Once again, the app tells me in unsubtle ways that it knows better than me. Last week, it sent me text messages telling me I was over budget on pharmacy and food. Then, it began sending me texts with budgeting tips.

I’ve added a new manual spreadsheet below my old one. This one tracks non-repetitive items that are not on the other sheet. After navigating the menus and sub-menu, I turned off the annoying text messages. 

But now, when I log in to online banking, there is a message saying that I haven’t checked my budgeting app in a week. What’s next? I’ll go to purchase some music online and get a voice recording from the bank’s “heuristically programmed algorithmic” computer telling me:

“I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Dave? I’m not Dave, and I’ve had it with the damn bank!