Jump Through the Fire!

We can make up a shopping list of things you might need to know for simple survival in society—the ability to get along with others, sincerity, persistence, and the ability to share. You know, the usual stuff your parents remind you of before sending you to the playground.
None of this will do you any good when your girlfriend gets sucked into a religious cult. First off, she loves you. She seriously wants to see you saved. And she is worried that you won’t be able to join her in whatever guaranteed vision of the afterworld she and her culty friends share.

If you’ve been in this situation, you know that her big epiphany comes when the cult tells her it’s being saved or damned. And it depends on either bringing you into the fold or cutting you loose. After all, we can’t have too many loose threads around. One tug at the right moment might unravel the fabric of pseudo-truth the cult weaves around the members.
So it doesn’t matter how personable you are or how accommodating of another’s religious beliefs. A cult is an all-in or out sort of thing.

Being young and foolish, I didn’t understand this about the Church of Saint Satan of Later Day Revelations. There were no nude, sexual, or otherwise perverted rites that I knew of. And my girlfriend, Susan, seemed to glow after attending the brief little services. Frankly, she was less sexually inhibited, too, which didn’t hurt our relationship any. So I willingly agreed to participate in their high holy days ceremony – on Halloween.

During the Revolution, South Holland was once a thriving small agricultural town in Massachusetts. Then, fifty of the ninety who marched off to serve failed to return. A “pox” in the early 1800s further reduced the population. When the mills in neighboring towns opened up, South Holland had shrunk to barely a dozen homes. When the local Congregational Church failed, the city gave a final gasp.
The only thing about the town you saw as you whipped down the county road was the little marker on the road for Cemetary Road.
The Church of Saint Satan, of Later Day Revelheld, held its great Halloween rite of renewal and dedication at the South Holland graveyard. New converts were consecrated that evening.

South Holland could be found only on old maps, so we traveled with other cult members who had been there before. We arrived in time to watch the great bonfire lit and dedicated couples jump through the flames.

I was troubled when Susan grabbed my hand, and off we lept into the flames. We landed in a cleared circle in the middle where Lector Barthollmees stood by an open grave. “There is only one path to true salvation through Saint Satan. And it lies through the grave!” Two attendants then attempted to shove me and Susan into the grave. Susan went joyously. Being a boy from Washington Heights, I pulled my knife, opened it, and offered to gut the first jerk who tried to touch me. From the yawning grave, I heard petulant Susan,” It’s just a ritual, you nut job. Get into the grave if you love me!”

Keeping the blade’s business end and pointing at the tough guys, I walked over to the grave’s edge. At the bottom stood Susan. “it’s a test to see how dedicated you are to me. If you join me, I’ll be saved! Then we can be united in eternal bliss.” I spent a bit of time cogitating my veritabilities and considering the neferiosity of the situation. Then I hollered into the grave, “And you were going to tell me about this when?” , ” soon.”

I have been accused of not being a trusting soul. But there was something just too off about being lured into an open grave on Halloween by your girlfriend, who happens to belong to a Satan-worshipping cult. I took a final look at Susan and said, “I’ll pass.”

Jumping back through the flames, I had to clear a bunch of combative culties. I’ll admit to slicing at one or two who got too close. After that, I walked and hitched back to Boston. The entire weekend, I drank for free at the Harvard Gardens by telling tall tales about how I had avoided being sacrificed to the devil in the woods.

The following week, I saw Susan in Harvard Square. She was all dressed in black. Looking in my direction, she seemed to look right through me. I no longer existed to her.

What’s something I think everyone should know? Stay away from cults and lovers who are willing to sacrifice you for the sake of their salvation.