After limping around for a couple of weeks, I went to the podiatrist for the issue – a callous that had grown beneath the nail. Snip, snip, cut out a tiny wedge, and the problem was solved. But now I am on a routine of soaking, ointments, and dressing changes. I am back on track to walking better on that foot.
But everything has its little annoying consequences. This morning I’ve been blustering and blundering about our house, looking for the soaking basin and the Epsom salts. These are things which fall into the wifely realm. I don’t usually soak feet or use Epsom salt. But my wife does regularly. It’s part of a whole routine of callous smoothing and other mystical beauty operations that leave her smooth, soft, and alluring. What the heck do I know about that stuff? I get up, shower, shave, and slap on a bit of Bay Rum—Lou’s beauty routine.
But like many marriages, some things are everyday and we share them, and then some things that get divvied up. We both cook, wash dishes, and do laundry. But soaking basins and Epsom salts being outside the common realm? Who knew?
We’ve been together since 1981, and married since 1983. One would not think there could be too many secrets. Right? Wrong!
“Honey, where the hell are the soaking basin and the Epsom salts!”
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And, of course, the answer to that question is, “Right where you left them, dear.” Ah, marriage.
I did not leave them anywhere. But she’ll walk in and say, ” they are right here.” and it’ll be someplace I overlooked on my search. It happens in reverse when she can’t find things, and I point to where they are.
I had a roommate who lost everything all the time. For YEARS after we were no longer roommates he’d call and say, “I can’t find my car keys” and I would tell them where they were. My routine when he was my roommate was to make him kowtow to me and say, “Thank you, Martha the Great.”
Hmmmm….. Matha the Great…interesting.
I thought it might embarrass him into keeping track of his stuff but NO….
This is funny. So simple and so relateable.