The Grey Menace Arrives

I was living in Ottawa, Ontario, in the fall of 1969. A bunch of us had gathered on the corner to discuss some plans for a get-together, and all of a sudden, there was this grey kitten striding towards us. He looked determined, and he looked directly at me. The group grew silent. The kitten marched right up to me and commenced climbing my leg, then my jacket, and onto my head. There he perched.

One of my friends blurted out, “Looks like he ‘s claiming you, Wes.” I reached up and grabbed the little purring ball of fur and petted him. He promptly scratched me. That was my introduction to Clancy J Bumps, he who came to be referred to as The Grey Menace for his ability to strike fear into anyone he deemed unworthy ( and that was most people). Being a realist I understood that I was now owned and took him home to my girlfriend and our apartment on Lyons street – which in honor of Clancy subsequently could be reffered to as Lion’s street, because he was indeed a small lion.

Clancy lived a full and adventurous life. He hitchhiked through parts of Canada and the Northeastern United States, entertained at barrooms, beat up large German Shepherds, and attended college lectures at Northeastern and Boston University. If he disagreed with a professor, he’d start cleaning his nethers in view of the class but behind the professor.

His sexual escapades seemed to only increase after he “got fixed”; he seemed to think of it as a sort of birth control. But propriety prevents me from giving the details of his romantic techniques.

Despite his nasty attitude towards most humans, he would, almost on a whim, form fast friendships with other male cats. I could find myself serving catnip and lunch to him and a few of his buddies as they lounged beneath a tree at one of the houses where we lived. Just the gang getting together for a few snorts of catnip and telling tales of mouse hunting.

Some of his adventures seem epic. The time a thief broke into my carving studio, he and his buddy cat attacked him, chased him into a bathroom, and refused to let him climb down from the toilet. When I arrived in the morning the police asked if I could persuade the cat to let him down so they could arrest the badly savaged thief who cried out “please don’t let the cats get me!”

Life with the Grey Menace was interesting. When I started dating my wife, he rapidly approved of her, decided she was his mom, and loved cuddling with her. Of course, I should marry Mom; or else!