Abstemious?

Clancy J. Bümps – The Grey Menace. This cat never met a chili con carne that he did not like. His taste in steak ran to filet mignon, and a favorite repast was a half of a roast beef sub with extra hots. Abstemious? Never. Moderation was for pussy cats, not a giant twenty-plus pound behemoth engaged in blood sports against weakling humans. If you refused to share with him, he’d label you an ingrate, censor you with a paw full of claws, lick off the blood, and assure you that his skillful intervention had improved the decor.
Attempts to mitigate his behavior by behavioral modification got met with disdain. My first wife, Georgia, sought to teach him not to claw with a squirt bottle. He sat there, let her squirt, and walked calmly away. Then, he seemed to say, “Ahhh, that was bracing. Let’s do that again sometime!”
His dietary habits meant that sometimes he had odiferous emissions after chili. His reaction to these was to look at you in condemnation and walk away to avoid “your” accident. He was perfect and would never do something so rude.
There was something to his somewhat larger-than-life take on things that annoyed the insecure. But it drew admiration for those of an independent twist of thought and action. For example, after immigrating from Canada (Lyons Street in Ottawa), he reveled in the July Fourth fireworks – knowing the size of his ego, I assured everyone that he assumed that they were in celebration of his birthdate.
Not your ordinary pussy cat.

9 Replies to “Abstemious?”

  1. This is hilarious and makes a great and flawless use of the prompts. . Loved it. I’m going to reblog it later so it doesn’t back up to yours in the Reader. A really entertaining and well-written post, Lou.

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