I want to be right out front with this. Remind me of Festivus, and you’ll compete in the Feat of Strengths. And I don’t mean maybe. I have great endurance and can beat you in any war of attrition. There is simply no way to be diplomatic about this. Be smart and keep the damned aluminum pole to yourself.
You might ask why such negative feelings about a pseudo-holiday. It goes back a few years. I had friends who were always grabbing hold of everything new. To make way for the new, they jettisoned the old; old furniture, clothes, family, friends, and eventually holidays. They took the Marie Kondo approach to life to incredible new heights.

The year they tossed Christmas – Santa, Nativity, tinsel icicles on the tree, and all presents- was when they welcomed Festivus with open arms. Then, of course, they invited a whole bunch over for a Festivus dinner. But like everything else that they did, their embrace of the holiday was a bit too extreme.
Four of us were empaneled as judges for rating the Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength. It did not go well. Wives aired grievances against their husbands, husbands responded, and the judges rated using the Rotten tomatoes system. Two divorces and a long-term separation came out of that Festivus. I’m proud to say that my marriage survived, although there can be protracted silences whenever Festivus is mentioned.

My friends? First of all, those creeps are nobody’s friends! But I understand that they moved on and are trying Saturnalia this year.

So Festivus is undoubtedly not for all of the rest of us!

7 Replies to “Festivus”

  1. Curiously, I have retreated from all holiday activity save for the noting of the passing seasons and moon cycles and how they relate to seasons and cycles in my life. I watch with fondness and curiosity friends and family merry making and happy holidaying, and return to griping soon thereafter. I’ll write my letters on birch bark this year, and bury them under and evergreen.

  2. Honestly, I never really got “Seinfeld”, his comedy nor his show – call me weird I just don’t care. For years I have gone along with the crowd, but the Winter Festive Season was always about time off from work and seeing family. Any presents were just a bonus, as most of the time I just give a specific list to anyone who asks “what do you want?”.

  3. A post from my local public radio station this morning lit the fuse, and I just went with the flow of prompts. I do think that lots of people go overboard on the material rather than the personal. You’ve got the right idea

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