Once upon a time, I had relatively simple urges and desires. I wanted enough to eat, a six-pack of beer, shelter for myself and my cat, a decent set of guitar strings to replace the worn ones on my guitar, and a girlfriend who wasn’t crazy.
My cat, a large grey bruiser named Clancy, had higher aspirations. He had discriminating tastes. He preferred roast beef subs with hots, peace and quiet, girlfriends who loved cats, and that the bed have quilts and warm woolen blankets. A window with birds on the wing outside was nice, too.
For entertainment, I liked neighborhood bars with a friendly bartender, parties at friends’ houses, cookouts with free food, places to take dates that didn’t exhaust my limited income, and a girlfriend who wasn’t crazy.
OK, yes, that not-crazy girlfriend keeps coming up. Like women who like bad boys, I had a taste for women who led me into trouble. Or, as Warren Zevon said, “It’s hard to find a girl with a heart of gold when you’re living in a four-letter world.” My cat, Clancy, also wanted me to have a non-crazy girlfriend who wouldn’t light the house on fire. He had higher aspirations.
He had a civilizing influence on me. Eventually, he tired of the ambiguity of our lifestyles and forced an intervention—my latest crazy girlfriend or him. I chose him. And eventually, I found a non-crazy girlfriend, married her, and had a family.
Just in case I ever get sentimental for the old days I recall the words to one of Warren’s songs:
Some days I feel like my shadow’s casting me
Some days the sun don’t shine
Sometimes I wonder what tomorrow’s gonna bring
When I think about my dirty life and times
One day I came to a fork in the road
Folks, I just couldn’t go where I was told
Now they’ll hunt me down and hang me for my crimes
If I tell about my dirty life and times
I had someone ’til she went out for a stroll
Should have run after her
It’s hard to find a girl with a heart of gold
When you’re living in a four-letter world
And if she won’t love me then her sister will
She’s from Say-one-thing-and-mean-another’s-ville
And she can’t seem to make up her mind
When she hears about my dirty life and times
Some days I feel like my shadow’s casting me
Some days the sun don’t shine
Sometimes I wonder why I’m still running free
All up and down the line
Gets a little lonely, folks, you know what I mean
I’m looking for a woman with low self-esteem
To lay me out and ease my worried mind
While I’m winding down my dirty life and times
Who’ll lay me out and ease my worried mind
While I’m winding down my dirty life and times
The friendly bartender would be open to hearing about the crazy girlfriend. This is a good story, thanks for joining in.
I’m not going to find that guy with the heart-of-gold. But that’s cool