Boat Show Oddities

As a carver, I have had some interesting requests from potential customers. Doing boat shows was where most of my business came in and where most of the oddball commissions originated.

There were the gentlemen who were interested in nude figureheads of their wives but bustier. The wives lurked in the background, shooting daggers at the men, who may not have been the brightest candles in the candelabra. The guys, of course, thought it was hilarious. I always terminated these by asking for absurd “upfront” money and the need to do measurements. At about that point, their irate wives escorted the gentlemen from my booth.

Then, there were requests for special projects. A woman commissioned an eagle for her husband’s “man cave.” The banner under the eagle read “Free Trade and Semen’s Rights.” Wanting to make sure I had the correct spelling, I had her repeat it and write it down.

Then there were the more, shall we say, “sculptural” commissions. A young woman wanted a carefully carved phallus for when she was away from her husband on her cruises as a second mate. I am not bashful, but she did give rather complete instructions.

For a while, a small but lucrative business developed in divination equipment, runes, and such. It did not last long before cheap Chinese products outcompeted my carvings.

That was not all the “unique” stuff that people commissioned, but those that stood out.