A sizeable percentage of former Navy types, Merchant Mariners, and sailors – well, OK, some of the rest of you too – get antsy at the prospects of an afterlife without coffee. If the cornucopia of goodies in Paradise lacks good beans, we might seek elsewhere to spend eternity. Not to be too cavalier, but perhaps there’ll be a Dunkin or a Starbucks down the street.
After getting our extra-large cup, we can get down to the other vital issues: black, cream, sugar, latte, or cafe au lait? Some severe opinions coalesce around these issues. But then the real nitty-gritty kicks in. Sailors who eschew cup handles to hold a healthy mug clasped secure in the hand, versus handle users. Before the fight breaks out, someone notices the lumberjacks in the back stirring their coffee placidly with their thumbs. Disgusting.
After the riot police break it up, we are all sentenced to thirty days in Limbo for disturbing the peace of both heaven and hell.
Thirty days without coffee! At least Limbo has a bar.